He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
