I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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