you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
