Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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