I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
