I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize