Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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