Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
