I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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