That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
