I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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