I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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