You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
