I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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