There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
