My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
