they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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