Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
