Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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