If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
