It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
