I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
