Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
