I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
