Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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