ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
