tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
