I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
