and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
