She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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