I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
