maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
