I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My butt remains clenched, sir.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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