dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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