i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
