Sry I called you an 8
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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