There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
being pregnant is like rehab
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
