You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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