Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
