dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Mom said you looked used
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
