oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
