nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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