i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
