I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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