That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
