My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize