Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
