There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
