We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
