In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
