At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize