He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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