So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!