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I want you more than these girls want KFC
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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