I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me