nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
