Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
