turn off your phone and go to bed
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment