i need an iv and a liver transplant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......