I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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