I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
