you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Randomize
