dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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