Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
