just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
