The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
