:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
