I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
