he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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