Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
