someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
