What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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